Are you the ‘Difficult Spouse’ ?

Unhappy coule

Real relationships are not perfect and perfect relationships are not real !!

 

It’s 5.4 minute read.

If you are a wife or husband and on many occasions you think you are disappointed because of the other…..and think the other is the ‘difficult spouse’…. then this article is for you.

I am thankful to you if you felt there is something wrong in either of the parties and the mistake can be rectified easily.

There are two types of marriages.( Marriages are made in heaven.Is itn’t ?)

1.Love marriage

2.Arranged marriage ( In most of the eastern countries )

Irrespective of the type of marriage,both the man and the woman of his love have to adjust with each other in order to be compatible.

In fact, post marriage life is full of challenges and it exposes the couple to myriads of issues.

But we all know the truth.

One day or other both the man & the woman have to face unpleasant situation of opposing & different opinions and views, in matters of their day-to-day ‘living together’

The reality of the so-called colorful future has to show its fangs,since it is waiting to strike first !

Once the misunderstanding happens and prolongs….There are two options available

  1. You decided you are not going to adjust at all…then Apply for divorce and probably matter can come to end to the mutual satisfaction,and thus ending the very discussion I am trying to make.
  2. If the above choice is not the option due to so many other pressing matters,( which is a bit lengthy topic, for some other time discussion ) and you both have to live together,and you have to go along with the spouse….thus making the ‘misunderstanding part’ useless and even unnecessary.

Why to quarrel at all in the first place ?

Now it’s time to think.

1.Realize that ‘ married happily ever after ‘ is an illusion ( Maya )
2.Understand that Wife & Husband belong to the same team and they have to work

together for the success of their married life.

“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.

Ecclesiastes4.9-10

3.We often hurt our spouse knowingly or unknowingly.Do you know the solution ? Ask for ‘forgiveness’ whole heartedly.

4.When Anger or Helplessness happens to one of you…just take a deep breath and allow the heated moment to pass.Don’t forget.. time’s the greatest healer.

5.Remember marriage is a vow,before God.

Now it’s time to put the following into action.

Don’t allow discord to remain ,not more than one minute,and your anger not more than a second.

Don’t be bossy and do not take one another for granted.

Respect individual feelings & make mutual adjustments

Make sincere effort to avoid jealousy and Ego & revenge,be the first to make the other win the argument.( small trick I tell you…remember whoever does most talking is the one at fault )

Don’t deprive each other of your needs just to take the revenge

Keep communicating,by which I mean try to find where exactly things are going wrong.

Constantly tell to yourself….

  • Forget & forgive,
  • I can go also wrong,
  • live & let live,
  • let us make best,out of the difficult situation,
  • I trust you.

Finally

I asked an old man “which is more important? To love or to be loved?”
Old man replied “which is more important to a bird, the left wing or the right wing?” – MarriageHumor, Instagram

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers – Robert Quillen

A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.-yourtango.com

A marriage is a like a house. When a light bulb goes out, you do not go and buy a new house, you fix the light bulb. – Happy Wives Club

Marriage is meant to keep people together, not just when things are good, but particularly when they are not. That’s why we take marriage vows, not wishes. – Ngina Otiende

 

Any thoughts on being the Difficult Spouse ?

which of the above quotes ,you think sends the perfect message ?

Thanks for being a patient reader and reaching this point.

Thank you

Philosophy Through Photography

Pixabay,Curiano.com

The Two Popular Advices…Easier said than followed…

Be happy

1.Keep Smiling ( In other words Be Happy ).

Remember Bob Marleys song Don’t worry ,be happy ?

2.Think Positively ( in other words Lift yourself )

Both according to me are Myths.

Now let us analyse these two in the Real Life

Keep Smiling & Be Happy :

Happiness is a kind of Magnet, we get attracted .

we are used to believe that Happiness is achieved when we get things what we wished for and one can see the smile on our faces.

How long the happiness stays ? One minute,one day,one month,one year or through out our life ?

The demand for happiness is never ending.And the irony is ,you cann’t be happy all the time, since your wishes are unending.

Just think that

1.We can not control our thoughts,created at the time of unplesant happenings in our life.

2.You cann’t pretend to be happy when the results are not as per your plans.

3.What ever happens to you for whatever reason….You & I know that it’s only time being and life goes on with newer challenges to face.

4.When you are unhappy, consciously( outer world) you may give broad smile to others,but you cann’t defeat the thought of unhappiness,since discontent at subconscious ( inner world ) level is waiting to exploit the situation to further sadness..

5.Happily ever after happens only in ‘Fairy tales’ and in ‘Reel Life’ (Hollywood,Bollywood) rather than in ‘Real Life ‘

My take is ….. If you are Unhappy,Accept it,bear it and simply move on , rather than keeping the Fake Smile or acting brave etc.

Think Positively:

It is the single most influencing stuff ,storming the entire  world  and 21 century version of ‘Be happy’ model.

Think positively – is a kind of ‘Reassuring’ yourself that nothing is going to be wrong and the problems get solved themselves.Nothing more dangerous than this attitutde.

Remember your problem is yours alone,it is going to be there,and mere positive thinking not going to help and you alone have to solve the problem to get peace of mind.

Positive thinking

Inspiration-Rebecca Hass

So your mindset is more powerful than the routine ‘Be positive’ psyche. It is OK not to be positive at times,since the situation you are facing not necessary end in happiness.

My take is…..

If you have time and patience you can go through this link and realize why positive thinking is a waste of time and not practicle………  Don’t miss reading                               Steve Neale tells about the scandal of  ‘Positive Thinking’

The myth of positive thinking and the Universe

Thank you so much for taking your time to go through.