Are you the ‘Difficult Spouse’ ?

Unhappy coule

Real relationships are not perfect and perfect relationships are not real !!

 

It’s 5.4 minute read.

If you are a wife or husband and on many occasions you think you are disappointed because of the other…..and think the other is the ‘difficult spouse’…. then this article is for you.

I am thankful to you if you felt there is something wrong in either of the parties and the mistake can be rectified easily.

There are two types of marriages.( Marriages are made in heaven.Is itn’t ?)

1.Love marriage

2.Arranged marriage ( In most of the eastern countries )

Irrespective of the type of marriage,both the man and the woman of his love have to adjust with each other in order to be compatible.

In fact, post marriage life is full of challenges and it exposes the couple to myriads of issues.

But we all know the truth.

One day or other both the man & the woman have to face unpleasant situation of opposing & different opinions and views, in matters of their day-to-day ‘living together’

The reality of the so-called colorful future has to show its fangs,since it is waiting to strike first !

Once the misunderstanding happens and prolongs….There are two options available

  1. You decided you are not going to adjust at all…then Apply for divorce and probably matter can come to end to the mutual satisfaction,and thus ending the very discussion I am trying to make.
  2. If the above choice is not the option due to so many other pressing matters,( which is a bit lengthy topic, for some other time discussion ) and you both have to live together,and you have to go along with the spouse….thus making the ‘misunderstanding part’ useless and even unnecessary.

Why to quarrel at all in the first place ?

Now it’s time to think.

1.Realize that ‘ married happily ever after ‘ is an illusion ( Maya )
2.Understand that Wife & Husband belong to the same team and they have to work

together for the success of their married life.

“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.

Ecclesiastes4.9-10

3.We often hurt our spouse knowingly or unknowingly.Do you know the solution ? Ask for ‘forgiveness’ whole heartedly.

4.When Anger or Helplessness happens to one of you…just take a deep breath and allow the heated moment to pass.Don’t forget.. time’s the greatest healer.

5.Remember marriage is a vow,before God.

Now it’s time to put the following into action.

Don’t allow discord to remain ,not more than one minute,and your anger not more than a second.

Don’t be bossy and do not take one another for granted.

Respect individual feelings & make mutual adjustments

Make sincere effort to avoid jealousy and Ego & revenge,be the first to make the other win the argument.( small trick I tell you…remember whoever does most talking is the one at fault )

Don’t deprive each other of your needs just to take the revenge

Keep communicating,by which I mean try to find where exactly things are going wrong.

Constantly tell to yourself….

  • Forget & forgive,
  • I can go also wrong,
  • live & let live,
  • let us make best,out of the difficult situation,
  • I trust you.

Finally

I asked an old man “which is more important? To love or to be loved?”
Old man replied “which is more important to a bird, the left wing or the right wing?” – MarriageHumor, Instagram

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers – Robert Quillen

A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.-yourtango.com

A marriage is a like a house. When a light bulb goes out, you do not go and buy a new house, you fix the light bulb. – Happy Wives Club

Marriage is meant to keep people together, not just when things are good, but particularly when they are not. That’s why we take marriage vows, not wishes. – Ngina Otiende

 

Any thoughts on being the Difficult Spouse ?

which of the above quotes ,you think sends the perfect message ?

Thanks for being a patient reader and reaching this point.

Thank you

Philosophy Through Photography

Pixabay,Curiano.com

Marriage Blues

Marriage Blues

Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway. Joey Adams

1.They lived happily until they got married

2.I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas.She said to me “nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace “So I bought her nothing.

3.Marriage is like a public toilet.Those waiting outside are desperate to get in.Those inside are desperate to get out. Stephanie Robinson

4.A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. Milton Berle

5.Women marry because they believe that he will change one day. Men marry because they believe she’ll never change. Both are mistaken.

6.The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

7.You should argue with your wife only when she’s not around.

8.A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

9.Love is blind, only marriage opens your eyes.

10.There are 2 times when a man doesn’t understand a woman – before marriage and after marriage.

11.A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

12.The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henny Youngman

13.Marriage is the main reason for divorce.

Ok my friends,the point I would like to ask is, why most of  these humor are one sided ?

Thank you

Philosophy Through Photography

credits-funnyjokes.com,onelinefun.com,thoughtcatalog.com

Secret of long married life !

Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller

Thank you

Philosophy Through Photography

Love is not complicated, people are

These days…relationship means…                                                                                                 Any where without you is better than any where with you

How individual lives are changing ,relationships are thrown into the dust bin,people forgetting the meaning and value & sacredness of ‘LOVE’,

Thanks to addiction to social media & smart phones !

Relationships are harder now!

“Conversations became texting,

Arguments became phone calls,

Feelings became subliminal messages,

Sex became easy,

The word ‘love’ is used out of context.,

Insecurities became a way of thinking,

Getting jealous became a habit,

Trust is hard to come by,

Being hurt became natural.

Leaving became the only option,

Sad but true,

So if you have something…that is worth it,..don’t take it for granted,

Fight for it,don’t let it go”       pinterest

Summary

Be selfish,thanks to the inventions. indulge in your likings,Drink till you drop dead,fight without any reason,Ego is your life,jealousy is your partner, Greedy is your nature,Killing innocents is your taste,care not anybody,you owe the happiness you deserve,forget about dieting & exercises which are all money-making machines,,cheating is your mantra,money is everything and enjoy dying your own death,you owe nothing to anybody!

Is this the lesson modern-day life style teaching us ? Is this the meaning of advancement in human life ? Is this what all about relationships ?

And what about ethics,values,respect,responsibilities ,family relationship ?

Please share your thoughts.

Thank you.

Philosophy Through Photography

IS Pixabay

 

 

  

Can you answer this ? ( question series- no 11)

Why married men fall in love with other woman ? whether the woman is single or married.

Thank you

Philosophy Through Photography

Is-pixabay

 

 

The swear word ‘F’ in Hollywood Movies

As an Indian I always wondered why most of the Hollywood movies/TV serials have F* word in most of the dialogues.

Check this out

Wikipedia gives us the list of movies and also total number of times the word f* used. (from 1978 to 2018 )

List of Films that most frequently use the word’Fuck’

It’s a taboo here in India to even utter just ‘F’

As I checked the  following  quora link,I realized the word F*** can have different meanings depending on the circumstance,apart from sexual connotations !

Why is the word F*** used so many times in English Movies,eventhough,it doesn’t make any sense sometimes ?

Please share your thoughts.

Thank you

Philosophy Through Photography

Pixabay.Youtube,Quora

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friendship vs Love…which triumps ?

It’s 2.2 minute read

“Sometimes,in life there really are bonds formed that can never be broken.

Sometimes you really can find that one person who will stand by you no matter what.

May be you will find it in a spouse and celebrate it with your dream wedding.

But there’s also the chance that the person you can count on for a life time, the person who knows you sometimes better than you know yourself, is the same person who’s been standing beside you all along”.      Bride wars

Let us see who triumphs at the end.

LOVE

L is the 12 th letter of alphabets

O is the 15 th letter of alphabets

V is the 22 nd letter of alphabets

E is the 05 th  letter  of alphabets

Total of Love is = 54.

FRIENDSHIP

F is the 06 th letter of alphabets

R is the 18 th letter of alphabets

I is the 09 th letter of alphabets

E is the 05 th letter of alphabets

N is the 14 th letter of alphabets

D is the 04 th letter of alphabets

S is the 19 th letter of alphabets

H is the 08 th letter of alphabets

I is the   09 th letter of alphabets

P is the 16 th letter of alphabets

Total of Friendship is = 108

Exactly twice of 54

So the FRIENDSHIP is twice the value of LOVE.

Do you agree ??

Now time for some fun

One day Love met Friendship.Love asked,why did you exist when I already exist?

Friendship replied..to put a smile where you’ve left tears.

And

“There are friends,there is family,And then there are friends that become family.”

What is your take ? Friendship or Love ? Check this link

Wife & Husband-can’t they be best friends for life ?

Thank you.

Philosophy Through Photography

Pixabay derivative,gapbagap.com,pinterest

Bullshit In the guise of True Love !

Bullshit in the guise of true love.

The most common lie uttered without thought, sincerity, resolve, or guilt: I love you. ‘unknown’

See this clip(117 seconds) before you proceed further.

Does true love exist? I dare !

Rabbi Dr.Abraham calls’Love out of selfishness’ is a Fish Love.He

says”Fish love is poisoning marriages,damaging homes and breaking

hearts”.

Sex,money or power will decide the intensity of the so-called true love.

you may blast me that ….I am,atrocious,stone-hearted, silly, crazy, cruel,disgusting and disappointing but I am not dejected,because one day you realize that none can show the true love without expecting something in return. And that day,you are sure to remember me!The love what you expect / or given is nothing but ‘fake love !

In this world no body is willing to give unconditional love,though they can, if really they want,but they won’t because of the inherent selfishness.

I shall give just 2 examples.My discussion is limited to so called ‘unbreakable human love’

1.Romanticizing love.(couples)

‘I love you beyond eternity’,

‘If loving is wrong,then I don’t want to be right ‘

‘My love for you is a journey starting at forever & ending never.

‘You’re the first boy I ever kissed Jake,and I want you to be the last'(hollywood dialogue-movie-sweet home Alabama)

‘I think I’d miss you even if we’d never met'( movie-wedding date)

If these things are true….Why you see so many cases of divorces?

2.If true love were there( parents vs children)…

Why there are so many old age homes and homes for destitute ? And what about.. Orphanage,Children homes ?

Ron Leighman in Quora (on love is bullshit)
“Because love is a fraudulent emotion, it doesn’t exist. They say the love you Blah blah blah. Then once you get/give them what they want they kick you to the curb like yesterdays garbage. You may as well expect it because it will happen. Expect it then you feel no pain when it happens”.

Are we into the ‘Fantasy Love’?

“Of all the lies you told me….’I love you’ was my favorite”.
Unknown

True love is possible only when the people concerned are mature enough ( this happens as they age ) to see both sides of the point of view.

Finally,the difference between True Love & Pure Love.

True Love may not be possible all the time ,but Pure Love is possible.

 

Loving what you get is compromise.

Getting what you love is Success.

Loving without caring whether you will get it or not is true love.

Loving even after you knowing that you won’t get it..is pure love.

Unknown

 

credits& inspiration-Pixabay,hubspages, pinterest,quora,net

Which face you will wear to day ?

This is a 3 minute read,

“Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.”Mark Twain

I am not talking of the personality disorder which we come across in the Medical World…..I am talking about the normal,perfect down to earth gentlemen and gentlewomen, who invariably have two faces,sometimes many faces ( multifaceted indeed! )

“Everyone  has two faces but often we see only one side of them,so never judge anyone by their looks,because ,truth might surprise you” !    ‘unknown’

Have you any time seriously gazed your soul ?

I think we are all not just actors but great actors.Some examples,

1.You agree with me that wives hide (secrets) things from husbands, and husbands hide things from wives,but each will be talking to other sweetly and kindly.

2.All Men talk differently when they are with wives,and when the wives are not around.(men there… ..you know what I mean )

3. We preach our kids,but practice quite opposite.

4.Young boys and girls as lovers,constantly lie to each other which suits the situation.

5.We shout at our children and wives for no fault of theirs,but show sweet face to the boss,in spite of getting abused.

6.Married men ,when they come across a single woman, try,to attract her attention,but when wives are with them…it is a different behavior !

7.Our offline behavior is in contrast to our online behavior.You may be a beggar in real life ,but on social media you flaunt all your richness from nowhere !

8. You can see ,Professional child kidnapper/killer is a dedicated father to his kids.

I can go on and on…..

We all wear masks.

Let us be frank.And that is the way of life ! And we have to live that life if we want to survive in this wretched world.

And the worst part,you know…..even with God we play our duality !

“There’s a duality of a guy calling on God: ‘Where are you when I need you’ and the,at the same time .’God helps those who helps themselves.’…I think that contradiction does exist in all of us ,those of faith and those who profess to have no faith.  ‘JoeCornahan’

Now that we realized that all of us have two faces( dual personalities)….now it becomes even more scary.

“It’s not about who’s real to your face,

It’s about who’s real behind your back”   unknown

So be busy checking your back frequently !

And wishing and praying that, let 2019 bring just the single and original face of ours all the time !

Thank you  Philosophy through photography

IS-pixabay

It has always been you and it will always be you….

Loyalty

“When you get married, your loyalty, first and foremost, is to your spouse, and to the family that you create together.”                                                                                                                         – Phil McGraw, quoteambition.com

 

When you feel that every person in this world has deserted you,

You are never truly alone,

I am still there for you

Take a moment,right here ,right now,

and thank them for that

No mater how bad your day is,

there is always a happy face

waiting for you

to get home.

‘unknown’

 

 

 

Love is scarce- Really ?

The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we

never give enough of is love.

Henry Miller

Why this happens ?

We all  think that, Love means romance.But it is not so.

There are 7 types of love.

  1. Storge- Familial love
  2. Phila-friendship ( shared goodwill)
  3. Eros-Sexual or passionate love
  4. Agape-Universal love ( unconditional love)
  5. Ludus-Playful or uncommitted love
  6. Pragma- Long term love ( married people)
  7. Philautia-self love ( healthy or unhealthy)

( source Psychologytoday.com, Quora)

My discussion is limited to the married couple.

Think for a second.

Can you tell  the difference between ‘school and life‘ ?

” In school you are taught a lesson and then given a test.

  In life,you are given a test,that teaches you the lesson” Tom Bodett

So what I am trying to tell is Life gives an opportunity to learn lessons  from our experience, in this situation….. day to day problems faced by the couple,thus making them more accommodating,understanding and helpful to each other.

Thus we can become wiser by experiencing these experiences.

But here is the hitch.

The problem comes in the unknown form of ‘E G O nullifying all the benefits of life’s lessons,which we learn over the course of time.

Why can’t we make an attempt to look into this ? Why can not we prevent this disease before it strikes us ?

When we are able to manage life style diseases with sugar-free,fat-free,salt free,gluten-free etc. etc….why can’t we give a try for Ego- free ?

The only way to achieve peace and harmony is becoming ‘EGO LESS’,

and this should be the  ultimate outcome of your life’s lessons,if you

are willing to learn.

Another aspect is ,to be able to differentiate, the difference between love & Possession.Don’t think ,just because you love the person…you got right to possess the person.( as if the person is a property)

Remember love is selfless,coming from the bottom of the heart with total dedication,sincerity and commitment to lead a supportive life together.

And so…..

We make our life miserable because we never make an attempt to understand the full potential of true love,and thus we make ‘love’ scarce in spite of its abundance.

True Love gives you, the real experience of what all you dream and

Ego gives you, all the heartache.

“A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love”. – Max Muller

 

Secret of my long married life……

Let us not be serious all the time of the whole day ! Have some fun ! Remember today is Friday !

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.We take time to go the restaurant two times a week.A little candle light ,dinner,soft music,and dancing.She goes on tuesdays,I go on Fridays – Henry Youngman

Thank God it’s Friday ! (TGIF)

Image-pixabay

Wife & Husband -Can’t they be best friends for life ?

Best friends

Marriages are made in Heaven ,that is the quote. Do you agree ? or it’s a Myth ?

Those who believe in this, say that,

 

1. There is a Cosmic Power that is responsible for the actions of people and marriage is decided even before one is born. 2 .Marriage is 100 % destined since it is under the influence of the Almighty.

3. Whether it is arranged marriage or Love marriage,the same Cosmic power is deciding the events to be unfolded for the perfect Date of the marriage

Those who don’t believe in the proverb have plenty of explanations,as to where Almighty has utterly failed.

 

1.If the proverb is true,why there are so many Divorces,so frequently ?

Divorce happening at the drop of a hat.Causes extending from silly reasons to financial problems to infidelity to substances of abuse…….you name it..it’s there and can lead to divorce.

2 .Domestic violence

Less said better,since these things are happening in so called developed world,developing world and underdeveloped world.

3. Couple Incompatibility. What is couple incompatibility ?

No two persons are the same.even if you think that they are same in their interests and personalities ,still their individual reactions to the demanding situations vastly vary.

4. Ego clash

Marriages are made in Heaven

I have never yet met with anything that was dearer to any one than his own self” — -Buddha

No body can help if one is not able to avoid Egoistic attitude

5. Couple in illusion mode.

Marriages are made in Heaven

Many of us believe in Hollywood or Bollywood version of romance,passion,sex,hero kissing the heroine,lots of colourful fireworks in the background,decorated Horse cart,waiting for the couple,forever romance and happy endings.There is enormous difference between living ‘Happily ever after ‘ and ‘Happily ever before ‘

“So they were married ,to be the more together and found that they were never again so much together Divided by the morning tea, By the evening paper,By children and tradesmen’s bills”.      English poet Louis MacNiece

One has to face the reality . Things are different-,like arrival of children,loans,dealing with in laws,unnecessary fighting’,controlling anger etc.etc.

6.Extra Marital Affairs

Marriages are made in Heaven

Call it middle age crisis or fun and after a few years of married life ,people get bored,loose passion for love and start searching for new ways to get boost to their sexual need.These are occasions when one needs self control.

Ultimately Who are we to question the Wisdom of the God ?

My feeling is to let wife & husband recognise all their strengths and Weaknesses and be helpful to each other and their family at the same time knowing and even realising the Greatness of what is known as Institution of Marriage.

Marriages are made in Heaven
A Happy relationship is made up of two good Forgivers

Behind every happy couple, lies two people who have fought hard to overcome all obstacles and interference to be that way .Why ?? Because it’s what they wanted. ‘ unknown’

Marriages are made in Heaven

Glad,You reached this point .Kindly share your views and ideas on ‘Institution of Marriage’

Images source google images,pixabay