Is your friendship is just an’Artificial Friendship’ ?

Artificial friendship

Does your friendship forge an emotional bond ?

 

Do you not long for that particular friendship which completes you ?

What is the definition of friendship ?

Voluntary relationship between people that lasts a long time and those involved are concerned about each other. It develops from shared interests and experiences and is mutually gratifying. source Psychology dictionary.com

Friendship is not based on sex,or age or other reasons

What is the best part in friendship ?

Don’t you think friendship in the form of shared interests and shared experiences which become memories over the time.

Are you not,the happiest when you cherish these wonderful memories of life,at the time of stress ?

Not just that,even when you both chat or speak to each other,recollecting some of the shared moments,shared jokes,even wondering how the time moving unusually fast,even making that moment wonderful !

What I am stressing is,the shared memories become a life’s Treasure.

Don’t you agree this is the best part in friendship ?

What happens,when friendship is forged ?

Definitely,the concern for each other increases.

Shared interest further strengthens the bond.

These two can happen only when you make a sincere effort to develop an emotional bond,by opening up,since you both are connected by mutual trust’ by this time.

How to make an emotional bond ? (somebody may even call this emotional link or cosmic link)

here I wish to make it clear that there is a difference between physical attraction and emotional attraction and physical attraction is a different subject for some other time discussion.

The efforts for emotional connection must come from both the friends,willing to make sincere efforts.

Four things are extremely important

1. Trust

2. Honesty

3. Sacrifice

4. Zero Ego

If these things are achieved from both sides,automatically emotional link is evolved

Trust – should be 100% .You can share your personal stories of mutual interest, and start bonding,and be sincere and frank.communicate regularly and develop mutual confidence

Honesty –  should be 100%.Be honest in your communications.Prevent miscommunications.

Sacrifice – should be 100%.If Friends happen to be in the same place ,make yourself available Never avoid or give excuses.If you both happen to be in different cities,provide moral support as much as possible constantly.

Ego – Here there is only one solution.. Destroy the ego feelings instantly.
Finally
No one is rich than a person who has a true friend

Just two interesting quotes

How many slams in an old screen door? Depends how loud you shut it. How many slices in a bread? Depends how thin you cut it. How much good inside a day? Depends how good you live ’em. How much love inside a friend? Depends how much you give ’em.”  Shell Silverstein

 

To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.” Brandy Snyder

 

Thank You

Philosophy Through Photography

 

Ego=bubble

Ego bubble


Your ego may be just a soap bubble.May be for a few seconds it will remain,rising higher in the air.

Perhaps for a few seconds it may have a rainbow,but is only for a few seconds.In this infinite & eternal existence your egos go on bursting every moment.

It is better not to have any attachment with soap bubbles

Rajneesh

Check this link.
Thank you

Image source © Dr.Sridhar,2019 All Rights Reserved

Are you listening ?

Are you listening ?
You can agree with me or you can be wrong.              etcy.com

It’s natural to think that you are right.But

experience should teach you that sometimes you are

not and that is wise to listen to others

Thank you  Philosophy Through Photography

 

IS pixabay ,auroraproduction.com

Are you listening ?

Are you listening ?
You can agree with me or you can be wrong          etcy.com

It’s natural to think that you are right.But

experience should teach you that sometimes you are

not and that is wise to listen to others

Thank you  Philosophy Through Photography

 

IS pixabay ,auroraproduction.com

Family Quarrel

family quarrel

No family is perfect ! We argue,we fight,we even stop talking to each other at times,but in the end family is family….the love will always be there. quoteslover.com

Definition :To quarrel is to fight — but usually not physically.

Quarreling is a fact of life, occurring between the best of friends, in the happiest of marriages, and between parents and their children. vocabulary.com

It is a disagreement about something.

Why we quarrel in the very first place ?

Somewhere I read ( I am not able to recollect the source) what is known as BIG 5 causing friction, leading to argument. 1.Money, 2.sex, 3.raising kids, 4.in-laws and 5.house/office work.Of course one can broaden the BIG 5 into various sub-classes.

Disagreement can lead from just anger to outburst of pent-up feelings.

The quarrels can stretch from very few initially to increased frequency over the time.

The reasons can be from silly to far serious issues.

The whole problem is because none is willing to admit their mistakes, continue the arguments,even competing with each other, with ego factor playing an active role.

Whenever there is dispute remember,

“Family problems come in all sizes and shapes.Some are short-lived,easily managed,while others are more chronic and difficult to handle” unknown

What I am trying to tell is that it takes time to deal the problems and one must be patient.One must realize that,

“Families and their problems go on and they are not solved….they are dealt with”. Roger Ebert,

When we are friendly with the entire world ( don’t say…. this is because of survival instinct ),why can’t we show same friendliness to our family members?

You know the old adage

“You can choose the friends,but you can’t choose the family”

In other words,since blood is thicker than water, all the more you can’t afford to quarrel with your family members.

How best to avoid family quarrels ?

Some tips which I think,can help! ( My 12 commandments )

1.Stay calm in spite of the urge to respond angrily.Never raise your voice.

2.Be a good listener.

3.Reduce your emotional scale to zero.

4.Let there not be communication gap.Make it clear as to what the other person is saying and meaning.

5.Impress the other person,what actually you meant or intended to do.

6.Never bring the past or unrelated issues.

7.Try to solve the problem and not to win the argument.

8.Put yourself in the others shoes.

9.Don’t stockpile your issues and vent at a stretch irrelevantly.

10.forget & forgive

11.Take it easy.

12.Have faith in the Lord.

“Problems are like washing machines,they twist us,spin us,knock us around but in the end,we come out cleaner,brighter and better than before” – unknown

What are your thoughts ?

Thank you.   Philosophy through photography

image credits-pixabay, -quoteswiseoldsayings.com

Love is scarce- Really ?

The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we

never give enough of is love.

Henry Miller

Why this happens ?

We all  think that, Love means romance.But it is not so.

There are 7 types of love.

  1. Storge- Familial love
  2. Phila-friendship ( shared goodwill)
  3. Eros-Sexual or passionate love
  4. Agape-Universal love ( unconditional love)
  5. Ludus-Playful or uncommitted love
  6. Pragma- Long term love ( married people)
  7. Philautia-self love ( healthy or unhealthy)

( source Psychologytoday.com, Quora)

My discussion is limited to the married couple.

Think for a second.

Can you tell  the difference between ‘school and life‘ ?

” In school you are taught a lesson and then given a test.

  In life,you are given a test,that teaches you the lesson” Tom Bodett

So what I am trying to tell is Life gives an opportunity to learn lessons  from our experience, in this situation….. day to day problems faced by the couple,thus making them more accommodating,understanding and helpful to each other.

Thus we can become wiser by experiencing these experiences.

But here is the hitch.

The problem comes in the unknown form of ‘E G O nullifying all the benefits of life’s lessons,which we learn over the course of time.

Why can’t we make an attempt to look into this ? Why can not we prevent this disease before it strikes us ?

When we are able to manage life style diseases with sugar-free,fat-free,salt free,gluten-free etc. etc….why can’t we give a try for Ego- free ?

The only way to achieve peace and harmony is becoming ‘EGO LESS’,

and this should be the  ultimate outcome of your life’s lessons,if you

are willing to learn.

Another aspect is ,to be able to differentiate, the difference between love & Possession.Don’t think ,just because you love the person…you got right to possess the person.( as if the person is a property)

Remember love is selfless,coming from the bottom of the heart with total dedication,sincerity and commitment to lead a supportive life together.

And so…..

We make our life miserable because we never make an attempt to understand the full potential of true love,and thus we make ‘love’ scarce in spite of its abundance.

True Love gives you, the real experience of what all you dream and

Ego gives you, all the heartache.

“A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love”. – Max Muller

 

Are you the ‘Difficult Spouse’ ?

Unhappy coule
Real relationships are not perfect and perfect relationships are not real !!

If you are a wife or husband and on many occasions you think you are disappointed because of the other…..and think the other is the ‘difficult spouse’…. then this article is for you.

I am thankful to you if you felt there is something wrong in either of the parties and the mistake can be rectified easily.

There are two types of marriages.( Marriages are made in heaven.Is itn’t ?)

1.Love marriage

2.Arranged marriage ( In most of the eastern countries )

Irrespective of the type of marriage,both the man and the woman of his love have to adjust with each other in order to be compatible.

In fact, post marriage life is full of challenges and it exposes the couple to myriads of issues.

But we all know the truth.

One day or other both the man & the woman have to face unpleasant situation of opposing & different opinions and views, in matters of their day-to-day ‘living together’

The reality of the so-called colourful future has to show its fangs,since it is waiting to strike first !

Once the misunderstanding happens and prolongs….There are two options available

  1. You decided you are not going to adjust at all...then Apply for divorce and probably matter can come to end to the mutual satisfaction,and thus ending the very discussion I am trying to make.
  2. If the above choice is not the option due to so many other pressing matters,( which is a bit lengthy topic, for some other time discussion ) and you both have to live together,and you have to go along with the spouse….thus making the ‘misunderstanding part’ useless and even unnecessary.

Why to quarrel at all in the first place ?

Now it’s time to think.

1.Realize that ‘ married happily ever after ‘ is an illusion ( Maya )
2.Understand that Wife & Husband belong to the same team and they have to work

together for the success of their married life.

“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.

Ecclesiastes4.9-10

3.We often hurt our spouse knowingly or unknowingly.Do you know the solution ? Ask for ‘forgiveness’ whole heartedly.

4.When Anger or Helplessness happens to one of you…just take a deep breath and allow the heated moment to pass.Don’t forget.. time’s the greatest healer.

5.Remember marriage is a vow,before God.

Now it’s time to put the following into action.

Don’t allow discord to remain ,not more than one minute,and your anger not more than a second.

Don’t be bossy and do not take one another for granted.

Respect individual feelings & make mutual adjustments

Make sincere effort to avoid jealousy and Ego & revenge,be the first to make the other win the argument.( small trick I tell you…remember whoever does most talking is the one at fault )

Don’t deprive each other of your needs just to take the revenge

Keep communicating,by which I mean try to find where exactly things are going wrong.

Constantly tell to yourself….

Forget & forgive,

I can go also wrong,

live & let live,

let us make best,out of the difficult situation,

I trust you.

Finally

I asked an old man “which is more important? To love or to be loved?”
Old man replied “which is more important to a bird, the left wing or the right wing?” – MarriageHumor, Instagram

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers – Robert Quillen

A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.-yourtango.com

A marriage is a like a house. When a light bulb goes out, you do not go and buy a new house, you fix the light bulb. – Happy Wives Club

Marriage is meant to keep people together, not just when things are good, but particularly when they are not. That’s why we take marriage vows, not wishes. – Ngina Otiende

 

Any thoughts on being the Difficult Spouse ?

which of the above quotes ,you thing sends the perfect message ?

Thanks for being a patient reader and reaching this point.

Pixabay,Curiano.com

Universal rules- Rule No 1.King is always right Rule No 2 If the King is wrong,then follow the rule no 1,(ie,the King is always right).

Blame game

A man can fail many times, but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else. John Burroughs

Blame Game

Be frank.We all indulge in blame game,whatever may be the nature of the problem we face, because we don’t wish to take the responsibility .We even argue that we are always correct,and the other is at fault.( remember the rules…the king is always correct ! )

Very rare to find people,who blame themselves.

The  unlaid rule is  I can never go wrong !

Why it is so ? Let us think.

We all lie,and learnt the art during childhood and fine tune it as we grow, and to escape the situation,’lie’ comes handy.

By blaming others, you are in a defensive mood,and can pass the buck easily.

“Blame is a beautiful thing, baby. Blame keeps this whole planet spinning. You can point your finger at the next man, you can shift the weight onto him, you don’t have to carry that shit around yourself. You can slide into bed and get a good night’s nap. Yeah, right”.

Narrator Augustus Hill ( played by Harold Perrineau) from Oz tv series

Remember,

Blame is fascinating –

“it shapes our lives. It can be a benign way of positioning ourselves, a gentle joust or banter, or it can be poisonous, hurtful or devastating for its victims. It can tear apart marriages and fracture work relationships; it can disable major social programmes; it can inflict damage on powerful corporations; it can bring down governments; it can start wars and justify genocides”.

Stephen Fineman, The Blame Business: The Uses and Misuses of Accountability

Don’t forget,

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.”       Wayne Dyer

Any thoughts on how not to get trapped by the Blame game ?

Please share your views.

IS-PublicDomainPictures- pixabayWayne Dyer

 

Ignore the ‘Agressive World’

Agressive world

When an obnoxious and aggressive world displays its nuttiness just say to yourself, “I have

nothing to say to that.”

 

The world cries, “Give me your agreement or your disagreement but

whatever you do, don’t ignore me!”

 

Intelligently notice both outer and inner darkness then quietly ignore it. Switch your

attention back to the present moment with this powerful self-talk statement. You have

higher things to think about and darkness’s anguish is not your concern. Every “success”

darkness has is based on convincing you that its anguish is your concern. It wants you

involved with it, fighting it, trying to help it. Dare to reply instead, “I have nothing to say to

that!”

 

As The Daily Guru said once, “The resistance to the disturbance IS the disturbance.” Work

with this exercise this week. Notice how good you start to feel as you cease throwing fuel

on the initial disturbances – all those tiny little outer and inner fires that are very

significant until you react to them.

creditsThe Daily Guru

Image Ashish_Choudhary,Pixabay.

Accept it.We all indulge in ‘Blame Game’

Blame game

Blame is a beautiful thing, baby. Blame keeps this whole planet spinning. You can point your finger at the next man, you can shift the weight onto him, you don’t have to carry that shit around yourself. You can slide into bed and get a good night’s nap. Yeah, right.

Narrator-Augustus Hill ( played by Harold Perrineau) from Oz tv series
Remember,

Blame is fascinating – it shapes our lives. It can be a benign way of positioning ourselves, a gentle joust or banter, or it can be poisonous, hurtful or devastating for its victims. It can tear apart marriages and fracture work relationships; it can disable major social programmes; it can inflict damage on powerful corporations; it can bring down governments; it can start wars and justify genocides.
Stephen Fineman, The Blame Business: The Uses and Misuses of Accountability

Don’t forget,

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.” Wayne Dyer
Any thoughts on how not to get trapped by the Blame game ?
Please share your views.

IS-Splitshire pixabay

Can one survive without EGO ?

Ego

Ego, n. “A person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance”

Everyone of us have some amount of ego,it’s a fact.
Let us accept it.

And if somebody claims that he or she is does not have ego,it’s certain that this person is lying.

Anyone who’s successful, whatever way it has been achieved has a certain amount of ego and it is the truth.

Ego is the illusion created by our thoughts and none of us are immune from it.

Even persons with humility,on occassion succumbs to Ego.

“True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.”

– C.S. Lewis

Dear friends what is your take on EGO ?

Talent is God-given, be humble.                                                                                           Fame is man-given, be thankful.                                                                                   Conceit is self-given, be careful.

John Wooden

Happiness is……….

1.The secret of happiness is not in doing what one likes,but in liking what one does.

‘James M. Barrie’

2.Doing what you like is freedom.Liking what you do is happiness.

‘Frank Tyger’

3.There is no way to happiness.Happiness is the way.

‘Thich Nhat Nanh’

4. People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.

‘Abraham Lincoln’.

5.Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle,and the life of the candle will not be shortened, happiness never decreases by being shared.

Buddha